Release your pain!
“Do you know how stress, guilt, internal conflicts affect our bodies? People who do not know how to open their hearts just drown under the weight of this load. And in the end it affects health. ”
We need to understand that life is made up of problems. They do not disappear anywhere, and another appears on the spot. The problems do not end there. Life is pain, labor, anxiety and sorrow. Release your pain! Understand this and say: “I will learn to live with my problems as with friends. And if I overcome today's difficulty, then in a month, or in three months, or in a year, a new difficulty will come, and I will again learn such words as “patience”, “humility”, “spiritual maturity”. “Wisdom will be added to my mind, because we become wiser precisely through suffering.” Understand that.
There is no such person who would live on our planet and at the same time would never cry, feel pain, or fail. And you look and envy. Constantly look at others and envy them! And it always seems to you that you are being treated unfairly, that you are always vegetating in the outskirts of life … But you are wrong. Who do you think is happy?
One woman told me:
“You must be a very happy person, if you talk so well about happiness!”
It is wonderful to think that others are doing well. But in fact, everyone has their own pain. For example, you worry about your little children.
Yes, and we all worry about something, this is an indisputable fact. So what do we do? Nothing. Learn to live with all this, thanks to God and every moment rejoicing in His gifts.
I say this to everyone who suffers today and who finds it difficult. We all suffer! And I’ll inform you: the one to whom you envy also has its own pain. One person told me: "I envy this girl, because it seems to me that she is very happy." I replied: “I can’t tell you about her life and the lives of other people, because it is their personal business. But know that all these people are also very affected. They have their own problems. Their problems are not like yours. Maybe they are not sick with cancer, not poor as you are poor, they do not have the misfortune that visited you. But they have other sorrows. ” “Well, yes, but what is all this in comparison with my sorrows?”
And it is true. Everyone believes that his problem is the biggest. But God says: "I come to your life not in order to relieve you of difficulties, but in order to change your attitude towards them."
And then you will begin to perceive your problems in a different way – more optimistic, humbly, patiently, courageously. Drive away the despondency that whispers that it will always be so difficult for you. My child, the problem will disappear, do not exaggerate. You exaggerate your difficulties so much that, thinking about them constantly, you feel horror and panic. And this is wrong.
Of course, it happens that a person is just so arranged. This is a certain type of personality, a certain character. Some people, even when you offer them a solution to a problem, cannot accept it and calm down. Not! They will still whimper and murmur. You give them advice, they will smile at first, and then answer: "No, I can’t, I was born that way." Hey, but I told you that if you look at your problem from this side, then it will be solved. No, mentally these people are already there again, in their usual anxiety.
Man strangles himself with remorse and guilt. Sometimes we are anxious even because we are currently happy. That is, if you are happy, something bad must happen to you. I can not be happy! Something will happen in a few days! You can't just enjoy and enjoy. But look at all the good things in your life as Christ has commanded us. Look with optimism, with hope and say: “Thank you!”
It is surprising that those who really suffer greatly (for example, a friend of mine who is currently undergoing chemotherapy) never complain. Once I asked this person:
“Do you ever get outraged?” Are you blaming God for something?
I asked this in order to give him a reason to throw out the pain, to show offense, if any. After all, sometimes it seems to people that God offended them, they want to express it to Him, to blame Him, to blaspheme. And I decided to bring this desire out, so I asked my friend:
– Surely you argued with God. Outraged? He said: “What kind of God are you if you do this to me?”
And he answered:
“Am I supposed to swear with God?” What is he to blame for? Is it really bad for me alone?
I told him:
“Of course, not only you feel bad, but, you see, not everyone has cancer at twenty-four.”
“Yes,” he answered, “there is no human logic in this, but there is another logic, which I myself cannot comprehend.”
This man did not complain and did not spit out grudges. It's amazing that there are such wonderful people.
It’s your fault that you don’t talk about it. Do not share the experiences. You don’t have a person to trust in and say whatever you want. Release your pain, don't keep it in yourself It is not a sin to voice your thoughts or thoughts, to express bitterness and resentment. All this can be told either to God, or to your brother (both in the flesh and in spirit), sister, friend … This does not mean that we will be too immersed in resentment. As one monk told me: “It’s not that it greatly affected me, but when it appears, I have to say about it.” Tell about it and you!
One person who has been confessing with me for years once told me:
“Father, sometimes it occurs to me to tell you that you say nonsense, but then I understand that it’s rather that I am a fool.” However, such thoughts come to my mind. Imagine what I have come to think of you like that!
– I like it!
– What do you like?!
“I like that you can tell me about it.”
And the other person once asked:
“Father, what do you think was the best in my confession today?”
And I replied: – When you talked about what was difficult for you to voice. Any thoughts, thoughts, all those nonsense that occurred to you – any and strange. Well, and what you are thinking about at the moment. Say it because it accumulates, accumulates, and at some point you simply burst and become ill – both mentally and bodily.
Do you know how stress, guilt, internal conflicts affect our bodies? People who do not know how to open their hearts just drown under the weight of this load. And in the end it affects health. Various diseases can appear from stress and tension – for example, an ulcer or even cancer. Often the matter is not in some kind of violation of the regime, but rather in the mental "routine". We burden ourselves with resentment and anxiety, we carry this cart, and the Lord says so well: “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will calm you” (Matthew 11:28). If you keep everything inside, you won’t stand it and lose your mind. Take this burden off yourself, free yourself!
We constantly feel ourselves pushing ourselves from within. A lot of things are hidden in us, but we cannot voice it, we cannot open our souls. And if we opened it, the problems would be gradually solved.
You talk about your difficulty out loud and you hear yourself. You share with a friend or with a confessor (if the question requires confession) and feel the deliverance from burdens through the grace of the sacrament. The Sacrament of Confession confirms that the Lord at Calvary has forgiven you. Christ looks at what is happening with love, condescension, mercy. He does not scold you and does not punish you. And this is amazing.
On Athos they told me that in the monastery of St. Paul there lived one monk who was so sincere in thoughts that he spoke about everything out loud – about anxieties, problems. He kept nothing in himself. Once he said to the abbot: “Geronda, an idea entered me to spit on you. Naturally, I won’t do it, but I’m telling you something that sometimes occurs to me. ” And you keep everything in yourself …
You never talked about what is accumulating inside you, even in confession! “But it is so terrible, so disgusting and nasty!” But, my child, “I” is not identical to what we think. These are just thoughts. And if you say them out loud, do you know how much easier it will be for you?
Say out loud about really scary things – about a sense of revenge, envy, hatred, jealousy, anger. And your life after that will become real, bright. You will release from yourself that which is inside of you, in the darkness of the subconscious, deep in your soul. Having said that, you will be cleansed and you will feel relief.
One child said to me: “Once mom and dad offended me so much that I thought: if they die, I will be delighted!”
It is clear that the child would not be happy in this case. It was a thought that arose in his head at that moment. He appeared because of a desire to take revenge on his parents, because of fatigue and stress. The child could not express his feelings in words. Therefore, they took shape in such an evil thought about parents. But this was not the true desire of the boy, because if something had really happened to his mother, he would have gone mad with grief. And at that moment the child was in such a state that he thought that way.
If you leave everything inside, then you begin to blame yourself and say: “What did I think about my mom! I’m not ashamed! I’m a terrible son! ”And when something really happens with my mother, the thought will go to the next round:“ It’s my fault because I thought about it! ”A vicious circle arises. And where does it all start? With unwillingness to say what the other person would have voiced with ease, revealing the soul, heart, without portraying himself as someone else who he is not.
Of course, no need to share with anyone. People can stand up to what they hear, start to go crazy and shout: “Oooh !!!” And if you see such a reaction, that's it! Don't tell them anything else. Talk about everything only to the person you trust, for example, your confessor, whom you have chosen. And if you haven’t chosen yet, choose. To always remember: I have a priest whom I trust, with whom I can share even the strangest and most terrible thoughts.
From the book of Archimandrite Andrei (Konanos) “Happiness is in your heart. How to love God by loving yourself. " Nikea Publishing House, 2019
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