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Passion or addiction: what is the difference

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Passion or addiction: what is the difference

Sobriety, struggle with passions – important aspects of the life of a Christian. Well, in worldly life, the problem of dependencies and co-dependent relationships is widely discussed. Proponents of modern psychotherapy and Christian asceticism are gradually moving towards greater respect and interest in each other. Passions and addictions: what is their harmony and how to deal with them? Says the psychologist Peter Dmitrievsky.

What is passion

In Christian literature, the word "passion" is used in different ways. It means both emotions and suffering, remember the passions of Christ. Suffering can be natural and unnatural. We will use the word “passion” to mean unnatural suffering. Here is the definition given by St. Theophan the Recluse: “Passion is a constant desire to sin in a known manner. Or love for some sinful deeds and things. " Here the criterion of constancy is introduced when a person returns to a certain desire. But the word "sinful" refers to the field of ethics, and not psychology, which means we can not dwell on this definition.

Nemesis of Ames in the Treatise on the Nature of Man describes passion as a kind of movement that is produced by one or the other. He separates the movement of nature and the movement of passion. The first is the movement from myself: I wanted something and am doing it. The second is when something or someone from outside influences me. The Rev. John Climacus speaks of the stages of the entry of passion into the heart, then writes that “passion is called the very vice, which has nested in the soul for a long time, and through skill has become as if its natural property, so that the soul voluntarily and itself strives for it ". It turns out that passionate behavior is non-free behavior in the field of a specific motive.

And in psychology there is a theory of Kurt Levin. He, developing a system of explaining motives and actions, spoke about field and volitional behavior. And this is very similar to what we see in ascetic texts. The field action is dictated not from the inside, but from the outside, it occurs due to the weakness of one's own motive, thanks to the great power emanating from the external object. Which, for example, for a person dependent on alcohol, can be put in front of him a glass. In this, human lack of freedom, the definitions of passion and dependence converge.

Differences in the classification of passions and addictions

The classification of Christian ascetics includes three passions, which in psychology would be called behavioral addictions: gluttony, fornication, and love of money. And five more passions that are not included in the traditional category of addictions: anger, despondency, sadness, vanity and pride.

Vanity and pride are more likely phenomena of co-dependence, there is a large proportion of dependence on another person, but also counter-dependence – the inability to approach another person. In the passion of gluttony, the subject is food, and in addiction therapy there are eating disorders: anorexia, bulimia, overeating. In ascetic literature, there are three forms of manifestation of gluttony: eating outside of a certain routine, satiety and the desire for delicious dishes.

The passion of fornication is a perversion in a person’s sexual needs, it manifests itself in excesses or infidelities, the inability to remain faithful. In psychotherapy, sexual addiction is also known. An important property of such a dependence is the impossibility of discharging and obtaining saturation in another way.

Loving money is an insatiable desire to acquire money, property, and other material wealth when a person needs to compensate for their loss and acquire new ones when he is unable to part with them. There are no direct analogies in the treatment of addictive behavior, but there is a well-developed 12-step program. It is called "Anonymous Debtors", it has three areas: chronically under-earning, squanders or shopaholics. Actually, anonymous debtors are dependent on borrowing and borrowing all the time.

Anger is good and bad

The passion of anger is often confused with "good" anger, what is called asceticism or boldness in ascetic literature. Frederick Perls, a therapist who divided aggression into chewing (dental) and annihilating, can partially help here. Perls called one of the varieties of chewing, because he looked at the example of food: in order to get enough, I need to destroy, eat an apple. This is a creative aggression, it is needed in order, for example, to an artist to destroy the whiteness of the canvas and create a picture. In contrast, there is annihilating aggression, a passion of anger. For example, when I see a highly hanging apple, I want to get it. Ordinary chewing aggression or boldness would be to find a way around an obstacle. I could get angry that it is high, and go behind the stairs. If this is a passion of anger, then all my energy will be directed to the punishment of the obstacle. For example, hitting an apple tree.

Religious life provides wonderful legal opportunities for passion of anger. Since we, believers, are, of course, on the side of good and light, all people who are unbelievers, or believers are wrong, “in fairness” should be the objects of our anger.

Chewing aggression in this case will be aimed at sharing your faith and joy of meeting with Christ, but you can invest in destructive aggression and curse in forums, walk with religious processions around “bad” places.

Sorrow is like anger. The fact is that a person has dreams – and obstacles to them. As with the passion of anger, when something does not work out, the focus of attention goes to the obstacle. Only forces go not to destroy the barrier, but to stomp in front of it. I do not give up the dream, but I am not looking for ways to achieve it, being discouraged by the fact that there is an obstacle.

An example would be unrequited love. You can deal with it by burning and being angry, falling in love with another – or, using a creative approach, try to win a lady of the heart. But the young man, seized with a passion of sadness, is stuck in his experience and for many years complains that he was rejected. Despondency can be called sadness squared. Not just one action, but any activity seems completely pointless. Any effort is rejected because dreams, fantasies, ideas seem impossible, unthinkable and barren.

Vanity and pride

The passions of vanity and pride are important to distinguish. Sometimes a prideful person in the patristic sense is called conceited in everyday life. In fact, vanity is a synonym for human-pleasing, it is a dependence on approval by others. For example, a person, having come to the community with his opinion, stays with him for a short time and begins to follow what is accepted in this collective. If a person is embarrassed to uphold his beliefs, then he is vulnerable and subject to a passion of vanity. In psychiatry there is an analogue of vanity – a personality disorder in the form of dependence. It is included in the international classification of diseases. Here is a description of the disorder: difficulties in making everyday decisions, taking initiative, anxiety in the absence of a large number of recommendations and approval from others. A person has problems expressing disagreement with others, even if he considers something untruthful inside himself – out of fear of losing support or approval. It avoids making people any demands, even reasonable ones. For the sake of receiving custody or support from others, he can voluntarily be called to do unpleasant and humiliating things for himself. Such a disorder is characterized by a picture of himself as a helpless, incompetent person, he has difficulties with a stable image of himself and is dependent on the opinions of those around him.

Pride – if you use the psychotherapeutic language, this is a narcissistic personality disorder. An exaggerated idea of ​​one's own independence, of self-sufficiency and independence not only from society, but also from God. The subject of passion is the person himself, his qualities and dignity. In contrast to the passion of vanity, the high opinion of himself of such a person does not rest on social approval, but is experienced as an objective state of affairs.

In psychotherapy, there is the concept of counterdependence and addiction of avoidance, that is, dependence on loneliness, the inability to be with someone in close relationships.

Pride as a passion implies a special attitude towards oneself, a conviction of one's own uniqueness, special position, potential membership in the elite, superiority over other people. Unfortunately, religious affiliation gives a lot of reasons to think so. I belong to the chosen people who are under God's jurisdiction, unlike all other sinners.

A narcissus can be identified by the fact that he uses other people to gain admiration, to confirm his own uniqueness. He is characterized by an instrumental attitude towards people. He has difficulty showing empathy; arrogance, envy. A proud man at heart is very vulnerable. He told himself that he was special and ideal, but it was difficult for him to fully believe in it. Sometimes he really needs another person, and this shows the passion of vanity. Even if he receives recognition, he invalidates his kind words: who are you to praise me?

Intimacy for a daffodil is very dangerous. The phrase “I miss you” addressed to him will be heard as “come here, I want to control you better”.

How to recognize addiction

A sign of passion is the presence of withdrawal symptoms. If a person has a hobby for something, but there is no access to him now, then he will simply take up another matter. But if he is addicted, he develops a syndrome that combines irritability, apathy, sometimes malaise, sweating, tremor. Another sign is increased tolerance, addiction. The peculiarity of our nervous system is that the same level of stimulation gradually ceases to produce an effect. There is a loss of situational and quantitative control.

This is, for example, when the driver behind the wheel checks the social network feed, despite the fact that he knows how dangerous it is. If people allow themselves this, then this is a marker of the formed dependence.

Another important symptom is internal splitting, when a person tries to persuade himself, to give a vow. This is an important difference in addiction.

An important criterion for dependence is the presence of physical damage. Health problems in the case of chemical dependence (i.e., from alcohol, drugs and other substances) begin very quickly. There are also social consequences: dismissal from work, difficulties with studies, divorces and much more. The motive for use is stronger than the social ties of man. There is a change in worldview.

Two options are possible. More common when a person extols the subject of his passion, which begins to play an important role in his system of values. For example, a person obsessed with sexual addiction will talk about how people lost contact with the body and how important it is to look for it, attend relevant seminars and the like. The second option – a person devotes his life to the fight against this phenomenon. Evil is to be placed at the center, which must be fought, such as fornication or drunkenness. Often, what a person is opposed to can testify to his own internal struggle. It cannot be said that this is an unambiguous diagnosis, but evidence of dependence can be not only relishing, but also vice versa, ardent rejection. The last symptom is a powerful psychological shield, distortion of perception. Dependence is interested in ensuring that a person does not see its destructive consequences. An alcoholic can say: since I drink a little every day, I am not an alcoholic.

Dependency Theory

The importance of the psychotherapeutic approach is that we can share responsibility. We tell the addict that the point is not only that you are a bad person, but that you are in the wrong time and place. There is no need to completely shift responsibility to the circumstances of life, otherwise it would mean, for example, that I am an alcoholic, because I have such a fate. Psychotherapy considers addiction as a painful way to cope with a traumatic effect, a post-traumatic reaction.

There are three types of traumatic effects: fear, which provokes mainly a passion of despondency, shame, which provokes a passion of pride, and guilt, which makes a person vulnerable to a passion of vanity and partly despondency.

The first block is about age from 0 to 1.5, although the traumatic effect could be at a later age. A child really needs a mother, and if she disappears for a long time, for example, is hospitalized, then such a basic thing as trust is not formed. The child screams, but help does not come. If such episodes happened often, then the child forms ways of survival. Or he understands that separation from an adult is very dangerous, and then he develops an adherent way of behavior that will be demonstrated in adulthood and will make him vulnerable to the passion of vanity. Indirectly and for the passion of despondency, since such a person grows up with a subconscious feeling that he himself is not viable.

The second way of such an adaptation curve is to make an idea that life as a whole is tragic and gloomy, you should not hope for anything and should not be involved in relationships, because it means substituting for the future pain of separation. From here comes pride and the decision not to depend on anyone.

On injuries of this type, in addition to the passions mentioned, gluttony also grows. Man is trying to satisfy not hunger, but his need for security. Frightened – ate – calmed down. The passion of fornication is also implicated in security. The feeling that we are united provides, albeit briefly, a sense of security. The passion of money-loving is the same in origin. Home, a pleasant feeling of a certain amount on the account – all this allows you to feel the reliability.

The next block of traumatic situations is everything associated with shame. Man discovers that he is and exists separately. This occurs for the first time from 1.5 to 3 years, and then in adolescence. The question that a person decides during this period: can I be in this world who I am, do I correspond to this world – or am I some kind of vile and disgusting person who has no place here? Great risk instead of good shame to earn toxic shame. Good shame means that even if I find a defect in myself, then I have enough strength to fix it. Shame motivates a person to learn. Toxic shame provokes a person to suicide. In fast or slow version. If there is nothing good in me, only bad, then I have no hope of learning, because I am totally corrupted and I should fall through the ground or burn out with shame. Such a shame is formed if the child receives a message: “you have always been stupid” or “there haven’t been such people in our family”, “not our breed”. Or if there is some kind of secret in the family: grandmother is mentally ill, father’s brother is behind murder.

On the other hand is perfectionism – a big concern for the facade. The child becomes a perfectionist and tries to earn love with his successes. Or – a rebel and does the opposite: I do not care what you think about me. See, again the swing of vanity and pride. The passion of fornication is built on this to a large extent, since it contains an attempt to cope with shame through shamelessness, or vice versa, accepting each other in the most vulnerable zone. And also love of money – the desire to be held in high esteem. Money not only gives a sense of security, but also the feeling that I'm worth something.

The third block is that associated with guilt. It is about the consequences of how adults deal with a child’s initiative. Normally, he always climbs somewhere and wants something. It is important to teach a child two things: responsibility and healthy guilt. Responsibility is when you take up something and you stay true to your decision for the necessary time, despite the interference. Healthy guilt is when a child learns to be attentive to the pain of another person. And in both cases it is important that he does not give up his energy, boldness, jealousy in the patristic sense, so that he knows how to attack the task. If a child has developed toxic wine, then it fuels the passion of vanity. This is the fault for which he cannot be held responsible: for thoughts and feelings.

It’s bad when a child is not taught to distinguish thoughts from actions or feelings and blame without explanation: “You don’t understand what is to blame? So I won’t say, think it yourself. ” When they refuse to forgive or forget the misconduct, they are not given the right to atone or compensate for the damage. A person trapped in toxic guilt becomes easy prey for addictions. He feels separation from the world, is afraid to take the initiative, loses his own dreams and abilities, suppresses activity. A person gains confidence that any of his actions is ugly. В итоге он попадает в ловушку противоречия, потому что энергия на творчество у него остается. Зависимые действия дают ему опыт свободы самовыражения, легкости и творчества. В ситуации употребления каких-то веществ он получает возможность творчески раскрыться, получает доступ к ощущению себя компетентным или свободным.

Возникновение зависимого поведения

Есть две таинственные вещи. Первая — генетическая предрасположенность. Один может в студенчестве злоупотреблять какими-то веществами. Проходит время, и он перестает это делать, заводит семью, дом — и не вспоминает об этом. У него нет генетической предрасположенности. Другому же достаточно попробовать один раз, и он уже теряет волю. Если зависимость сформирована, то поддержание трезвости будет пожизненной работой. От него требуется быть чутким, внимательным, планировать каждый шаг, видеть возможные провокации и завершать день анализом всего происшедшего.

Второй момент. Часто состояние человека в момент употребления или компульсивного действия настолько превосходит опыт обыденной жизни, что этот опыт запечатлевается в сердце как крайне желаемый. Если человек имеет другие способы совладать с кризисами и обучен иным способам раскрашивать свою жизнь, то употребив, он тоже получает интересный опыт расслабления или возбуждения, но не так разительно отличающийся от его повседневной жизни. Поэтому запечатлевание может не сформироваться.

В святоотеческом понимании в грехе всегда есть что-то хорошее, что было испорчено. Грех — это выстрел мимо цели. Зависимость — тоже движение к чему-то хорошему, но кривым путем. И психоанализ говорит, что все способы совладания с травмирующей ситуацией — это панцири, которые нам позволили выжить в сложных условиях.

Они сыграли свою роль, но продолжают нами владеть, хотя мы, будучи более зрелыми, можем найти другие способы существования.

Три вида способностей души или потребностей

Святые отцы разработали сложную классификацию потребностей. Первый уровень — вегетативные, растительные потребности души, поддерживающие физиологические процессы: питание, рост, размножение. Второй — животные потребности: желания, эмоции, способность мобилизовать энергию для достижения целей. Третий — духовные, или умные способности души: мышление, творчество, способность общения с Богом и раскрытие в себе образа Божия.

Поскольку в результате грехопадения наш дух потерял главенство, иерархия потребностей сместилась. Бывает, что человек начинает удовлетворять более высокие потребности на более низком уровне, и тогда формируется страсть.

Если я, например, испугавшись, начал есть, то есть опустился ниже, до растительной потребности, то разрядка происходит, но формируется страсть. Если же я, даже не удовлетворив какую-то душевную потребность, молюсь, то есть замещаю ее более высокой потребностью, то страсть, напротив, не формируется. Или если, получив отказ барышни, молодой человек написал стихотворение, то и разрядка произошла, и страсть не формируется. А если, получив отказ, напился, то мог спровоцировать формирование зависимости. Важно в любой ситуации неудовлетворенности идти от более низкого к более высокому.

Как побороть зависимость

В психотерапии, поскольку речь идет о неправильно пройденном взрослении, человеку предлагается повторное взросление, более ответственное и корректное. Первое, что нужно сделать, — найти среду. Ребенок воспитывается не сам по себе. Он настолько некомпетентен, что слыша звук, сначала смотрит на маму, чтобы понять: сейчас время пугаться или смеяться. У него нет опыта, он не может дать оценку самостоятельно. Поэтому в терапии зависимого поведения обязательное условие — это другой. Им может быть терапевт, но лучше, чтобы этим другим была группа. Есть такой терапевтический закон, что на группу происходит материнский перенос.

Неслучайно мы говорим: Бог Отец, а Церковь — Мать. Материнское послание — это радость, что ты пришел, принятие, «хорошо, что ты есть, каким бы грязным ты ни явился». Но группа должна быть и немного отцом. Отцовское послание обеспечивает безопасность: «я от тебя никогда не откажусь, ты всегда будешь моим, но я не буду игнорировать грязь, которую ты принес, и ошибки, которые ты совершил, их нужно исправить». Бывают перекосы, когда терапия превращается в основном в материнское общение. Все только жалуются, и больше ничего не происходит. Это называется слив.

Второе — принятие того, что это серьезно и навсегда. Быстрого решения нет, предстоит большая работа с защитными механизмами. Группа важна еще и потому, что участники делятся тем, как они сами себя обманывают и вооружают друг друга этим знанием о коварстве самих себя по отношению к самим себе. Очень важно в работе со страстями понимать механизм зависимого поведения. И стараться его не игнорировать. Будет работать отрицание, что в этот раз я как взрослый человек найду компромисс.

Важно привести в порядок инструменты, растормошить чувствительность. Зависимый человек, как правило, плохо ориентируется в чувствах. Он не может понять, что с ним происходит. Поскольку он остается в младенческом состоянии, у него или все плохо, или все хорошо. Чтобы научиться жить обычной жизнью, нужно иметь хорошую чувствительность к разным модальностям переживаний. Наркоманам в реабилитационных центрах дают обязательное задание вести дневник чувств. Зависимый уже навредил себе тем, что в своем понимании он обозначил все чувства невыносимыми. Радостно — значит надо выпить. Страшно, стыдно, виноват — тоже надо выпить. Если это зависимость от человека, — то надо ему звонить. Ужас абстиненции в том, что человек сталкивается с тем, к чему не привык. Человек, долго пребывающий в зависимости, не может поверить, что это и есть обычная жизнь. Он не умеет использовать сигналы чувств и обращать их в действие. Учиться этому нелегко.

Святоотеческий подход

Психотерапия стремится уменьшить страдания человека и сделать его жизнь лучше. Для аскетики — это возможный побочный эффект. Основная ее цель — сочетать человека со Христом. Достижению этой цели страсти объективно мешают. Построение отношений со Христом возможно только в личном контакте. Если мы увидим, в каких отношениях с Богом находится другой человек, у нас может возникнуть желание следовать его пути. В этом смысле аскетические рекомендации являются скорее пожарными инструкциями, чем развернутыми технологиями.

Первое — практика покаяния. Она похожа на психотерапевтические технологии признания того, что моих усилий недостаточно. Христианам покаяние дает место встречи с Богом, возможность молитвы, обращения к Богу с просьбой о помощи. В этом — смысл евангельской заповеди «Блаженны нищие духом».

Второе — трезвение, внимательность, способность замечать страсти. Человек — самостоятельно или с помощью духовника — исследует, что именно поражается страстью, и начинает движение к хорошей, Богом данной потребности, которую замещает, искажает страсть. Поскольку вне общения с Богом мы находимся в состоянии хронической фрустрации, то способом исцеления будет углубление контакта с Богом. Пока пьяница не опьянен Богом, он не может бросить пить.

Подготовила Наталия Щукина

Лекция «Страсть и зависимость: в чем различие и как бороться» здесь

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