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Open up to the world

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Open up to the world

“My problems are my problems, no one should be bothered (man, am I or not?). I must be able to handle myself. ”

Or this: “I am a worthless sinner who has no forgiveness. We must leave, break off all relationships, and then it will become easier for everyone; and in the wilderness, to indulge in ascetic practices. "

Or like this: “I don’t know anything, I don’t know anything, I don’t succeed and I will never succeed.” And go into the back room, close the door, pretend to be a rag.

Or so: “who needs them at all, these people? I have a computer, tablet and phone; I have music, there are books, there is worship, there is the Matter of My Life – I don’t need anyone. ”

Or this: “We are rational, we do not believe in love. We get through at once any manipulation. We have thick skin and learned to score at all. ”

Yes, sometimes I really want to be alone. To be sad alone, and so that there is no ni-go.

Relationships like labor

It's hard with people, because they are so different! It is difficult to come to an agreement with them, they unexpectedly make unreasonable demands, resent the lack of attention, force you to guess their needs and can severely punish you if you guessed wrong.

Are relationships with people worth enduring all this? Everyone answers this question himself; I will tell about my look.

Relationships as a tool for development

There is such a science – cybernetics, it studies among other things living systems, which include both the family and the individual. According to its provisions, if the system has very high external boundaries, and it is closed for impact from outside, then its internal structure gradually collapses. The system has nowhere to take energy for change; closed borders – the path to stagnation and death. Actually, this is a consequence of the 2 beginnings of thermodynamics: in a closed system, the entropy (degree of chaos) only increases. Therefore, a life free from relationships, a life within one’s own shell is a life without development.

Six years ago I got married, that is, I let another person into my life. In addition, every 2 years, a new little person suddenly appears inside our family and begins intensively reworking the system for himself, changing something and demanding something. I have to rebuild myself and rebuild my family in order to somehow meet these requirements, I have to change, grow. As a result, the lion's share of my personal development is determined by the fact that I am married and have children.


Montenegro, 2013 Family life is sometimes not as joyful as it seems.

Today, I don’t know of any other way to motivate myself so powerfully for change, like marriage — an intense, ongoing relationship with another (completely different!) Person, suggesting my personal responsibility for the result. Try any boss or personal coach to influence me as much – he would cause only resistance.

Therefore, the holy fathers talked about the need to force yourself to communicate with other people, even unpleasant ones: “If your brother annoys you, bring him into your dwelling and do not hesitate to come to him and have your piece with him. This will be a redemption for your soul, and it will no longer be seduced during prayer, ”said Evagrius of Pontus.

Relationship as a risk

Opening its borders is dangerous. Nobody guarantees that people will be delicate with me, that they will not laugh at my revelations and will not call my spiritual treasures nonsense. Even simple rules of careful communication – not to evaluate, to keep confidentiality, not to interrupt, not to spread gossip – today, few people consider it necessary to observe. Therefore, the one who decides on candor becomes like a man in a minefield.

When at the age of 14 I moved to another school, I was firmly convinced that there was nothing to be told about myself, nothing at all, since any information can be used against me. However, now I understand that if I am not the first to be frank, if I do not trust a person, the meeting will not happen, and I will not receive from communication the force, the inspiration that I could receive. I have to take a risk because I need other people.

Relationships as a source of strength

Yes, I am not self-sufficient. I draw strength, ideas and inspiration from communication with other people – old friends and new acquaintances. I am looking for deep communication with possibly more people and basically do not want to close out of new relationships.

After all, all the truly significant events in my life consisted in this or occurred due to the fact that I entered into relationships with other people.

Relationships as part of human nature

Why was the church created? Why is it not enough to follow Christ yourself, why do it with others? Why did He command “go and teach all nations,” expanding the boundaries of the Church? I am convinced that the matter is in the very nature of man.

“It is not good for a man to be alone” – this is not only about marriage. People need each other, they are so created. “If we take it separately, then don’t sit down and don’t get up, but together they coped” – this is how you can describe the essence of human relationships. Therefore, a person who deliberately refused to “admit new people into his circle” seems to me to exclude an important aspect of human existence from his life.

Relationship with god

It must be said about the most important relationship – with God. In my experience, they are built – from the person – on the same principles:

· They also need to work hard – often the Lord opens only to the long and hard “knocking”;

· You should also take a risk in them – trust God, not blame Him for your problems, but believe that He really does everything for my good;

· If there is a relationship with a god, they become a powerful source of “personal growth” – evidence of this is the numerous lives of hermits, who for some time closed off from people, but were open to God;

· They also become a source of strength and inspiration. Sometimes prayer and ordinances truly transform;

· I am convinced that relationships with God are as much an integral part of human nature as relationships with other people. As blessed Augustine says: “You have created us for Yourself, and our heart does not know peace until you rest in You”

So, I’m required to take a risk, enter into relationships, and work hard, supporting them. And then I can hope for strength, inspiration and personal development. In my opinion, it's worth it. What do you think? Tell us in the comments!

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