"And if I enter into this view of God's love, if I can live that I am simply precious and love on my own, then this too can heal my wounds and make me more independent from the assessment of other people."
Today we will talk about such a thing as vanity. I was asked to talk about this not only as a psychologist, so we will look at it from different points of view.
Usually, vanity refers to the need for “futile glory,” when glory in the face of other people is very important to a person. In other words, we can say that this is a phenomenon of evaluation from others. When it is very important for a person that they said about him, how they looked, whether they praised him. Usually there will also be a painful sensitivity to criticism – a person can be very injured if they say something bad about him, and at the same time receive strong support when he hears praise to himself or receives attention. Today we can say that these may be additional likes on social networks or a large number of comments on your post.
What is behind this phenomenon? As a rule, we can talk about the lack of self-worth and the problem, as I evaluate myself. How it works inside me: there is what I do, what I worry about, what happens to me, and inside me there is some character whom we usually call an internal critic who criticizes me very much. If such a construction is expressed inside me, then I will be inclined to attribute this criticizing voice to other people. It will seem to me that other people look at me and evaluate me as I myself am inclined to evaluate myself. And then inside me there is a lot of tension between these parts and, on the other hand, I have a fear that someone from outside will confirm this criticizing voice of mine. I am afraid to hear from the outside what I myself sometimes say. It can be very painful. That is why criticism hurts so much, because it falls into what I sometimes think of myself.
What then does a person need? He needs an alternative voice. In a voice that would accept me, that would treat me with love, that would value me as I am. The most important thing here is to distinguish between a person and his actions. As a rule, since childhood we have precisely a deficit in such communication. Often, parents could not be so valuable to their child. I'm used to the fact that everything I do is related to how others react to me. And it often happens that this inner place in a person is empty. It is very difficult to take care of yourself yourself, and then a person really wants to find someone who will voice his position. To find a man who at least praises you. And then it falls into this very great need, feeds my hunger for acceptance, and thereby reduces the tension between the conflicting parts. Therefore, I very much depend on who will treat me well.
Then what can we do about it? In a sense, to work on the very acceptance of oneself, on increasing self-worth. In order for me to have more and more loving voices, more acceptor relations and less criticism here, which, as a rule, is implacable and insatiable. This is also a problem – this criticism is always unhealthy, which just destroys me. And then one of the lines of work here (psychological) will be to learn to accept oneself and to be more loving towards oneself, and in Christian practice – if it suits a person and you believe in God, and our Savior Lord is important to you. Jesus Christ, then working with this topic will also be very important. It is necessary to build a relationship with God. When I come under His sight, when I meet the One who looks at me with true love, Who accepts me from conception as I am, Who created me with great love and acceptance. And if I enter this view of love, if I can live that I am simply precious and love on my own, then this too can heal my wounds and make me more independent from the assessment of other people. And to advance to what the Holy Fathers call us to – to seek not the glories of man, but the glory of God. In other words, seek the love of God. And it heals. And then it’s not so important for me what other people will say about me.
The project "Seven passionate thoughts: a view of a psychologist"
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